Saturday 28 January 2017

Rappers And The Lies They Tell: A Guide

From golden era legends recounting past glories to the latest Hypebeast Youtube sensations, rappers be talking shit. Here's some of the most common porkies and what they actually mean.

“I actually produced that. I gave *producer X* the records to sample and he just put it in a machine and pressed the buttons” – I'm still not entirely sure how beats are made but hella mad no one told me about publishing and royalties back in the day

"I signed a $2 million dollar deal and they gave me my own label" - I got a $500 a month allowance and a rented Toyota Yaris. They agreed I could put the logo my cousin drew on the back of the CD if it comes out.

“The album is done. I’ve got Dre and Premier on there” – the record company won’t let me put the Primo one on the album and the budget for the Dre beat means that the rest of the producers will be sourced from Scandinavian Soundcloud accounts.

“I’ve only been rapping 6 months”  - I’ve been doing this for the best part of a decade and had 6 different image changes but I’ve moved house and deleted my old youtube videos and social media accounts to make people think they’ve discovered a new artist

“I’m a hustler not a rapper”  - I got a bit lucky with that one single and I’m not sure how long I can ride this out for. Definitely not giving up the day job just yet.

“I really want to score movies” – If I can hook up a 3 minute drum loop with a piano sample surely soundtracking a 2 ½ hour film will be a doddle.

"I'm bringing back that real Hip Hop" - there is not an original thought to be found on my album.

“I was real cool with Pac/Big” – I once helped Biggie tilt a vending machine at Hot 97 when his bottle of Sprite got stuck.

“My Top 5 are Jay, Em, Pac, Nas & Biggie” - my top 5 are Aesop Rock, Tech 9,  Sage Francis, Nelly and Drake but there’s no way on earth I’ll admit to it.

“Black Thought is mad underrated” – I have never heard an album by The Roots.

“I sold 25,000 copies on the street before I was signed. Ghetto Platinum, yo!”” – there’s still 10 boxes of unsold 'Realest In Tha Gayme Volume 1' in my Dad’s garage

“I don’t listen to Rap, I’m really into rock music like Coldplay and Fallout Boy” – possibly not a lie but still ridiculous

This post was bought to you by an insanely quiet day at work


  1. "I don't listen to no other rappers!" - please don't notice that my whole style is stolen from somebody else.

  2. "Growing up I listened to Spice 1, Scarface and Too Short" - I exclusively listened to Lyricist Lounge and Soundbombing back to back